I just realised how lucky I am…

 

 

First kiss

These past few evenings have been… different. Hubby has been house sitting for my mum so after supper in the evenings he drives and stays over there leaving myself and Stitch home alone until the following morning.

Having a 3 year old little boy to entertain all evening is quite a task! I didn’t realise what a team Hubby and I were until now. Somehow we manage the evenings together without too many mishaps. Looking after Stitch alone means being with him every second. Toilet breaks, finding snacks, different games to play, bed time stories, tucking him in, answering little whispers in the dark, making sure the doors are locked… All small things but when you’re alone it seems harder. The worst part though, is the quiet once Stitch is asleep. The house is silent and while I’m reading in bed I can’t help but miss the background noise of Hubby watching TV or making tea or telling me little tit bits of the day. Instead I hear the creaking of the trees, the wind blowing against the windows, the groans of the fridge and all the furniture settling in for the night. Not too mention the cold emptiness next to me in the bed. I thought I’d revel with all the space of a queen side bed, turns out that I stick to my side even in sleep state. I miss his warmth, gently snores and soft breathing.

It makes me think of all the single parents out there, doing this day in and day out without anyone to give them a break or let them take a rest. Obviously it can be done, and done quite well. But I can’t do it. Does that leave me with a ‘fault’ or weakness’ I wonder? When I completely alone I’m fine but being with alone with Stitch weighs heavily on  me. What if he gets hurt or something? Am I just being paranoid? I’d like to think that I’m perfectly capable of looking after him without Hubby but it’s just so Hard!

Damnit, maybe I’m just being a little chicken. Guess I need to put my big girl panties on and make the best of it. And by that I mean eat lots of chocolate 🙂

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