I will never understand how people can not feel cheerful around this time of year. With my father’s death I haven’t been in the best space but I still feel excited and happy at the thought of the festive season. I’m not Christian so before this time of year was an excuse to go on leave and have lots of parties.
Now that I’m married to a Christian we actually celebrate Christmas and I love it. Over the 5 years that I’ve been married we’ve created little traditions for ourselves. We put up the tree while drinking a glass of wine and relive the year. On Christmas eve we put on cheesy Christmas carols, dance, cook a wonderful supper, stuff our faces and then sit outside after we’ve eaten and just talk, just the two of us.
On Christmas day its presents, church, lunch and then an afternoon of swimming. We always invited my parents with us and last year my son was the new edition to the family. It’s always been a happy time and we get to recharge and reconnect with each other.
This year will a be a bit different, my dad is going to leave a gaping hole on Christmas day but I’m determined to give my husband and son a good day. I want to spend the day remembering my dad, not dwelling on the fact that it’s the first Christmas day without him. I want my mum to laugh again and maybe get tipsy on wine and for my sisters to do the same.
Whether I’ll be able to do this guilt free is another story but this time of year is about giving to others, right? And I want my family to feel the love of my father without feeling his loss too strongly. And I want the same. Am I being selfish for wanting to celebrate Christmas when he passed less than a month ago?