There are rare times I’m one’s life where you know, without any doubt, that your life is about to change. It could be something small, a phone call, a feeling, a comment made by a stranger but whatever it is, you that everything is about to change. I felt that feeling when I walked into ICU and looked at all the incubators and all the little human beings fighting for their lives.
My husband led me to Stitch and as I stared down at him I broke down. There was the little fuzz bucket that I ad been feeling in me for the past few months. He was the centre of my world for so long and I hadn’t even held him. How could this have happened to us? What did I do wrong? Was there something I should’ve done differently? It was unfair that my fragile little boy had to suffer like this when he was barely part of the world. He was innocent and there he lay, tubes coming out of his nose, drips stuck into his chubby thighs and his little rib cage pumping up and down. I hadn’t even held him yet!
The next few days past in a blur. I was taken from my hospital to his once a day to see him. I couldn’t manage for long because of my op. I was in a lot of pain and still in shock. Here I was, feeling empty and useless and I didn’t have my baby with me. It was terrible. Lucky every trip to the hospital brought good news. Stitch was a fighter. It took three nurses to hold him down to put in all his drips so nothing was gona stop him from getting better! By day 5 we were told that he was going to come home the next day. He was breathing on his own and his was breastfeeding beautifully! Nothing was keeping him down.
Hubby and I brought him home on the 5th of February and I wouldn’t put him down for the rest of the afternoon! Having home and on my arms was the scariest feeling but as long as he was with us I could tackle anything. At least that’s what I kept telling myself…
Those first few days were he’ll. I stayed awake constantly worried about him. He was making a raspy noise while breathing that concerned me but the paed had assured me that he was perfectly ready to go home so I just had to trust that and just relax. Easier said than done! The worst was over, right? Wrong!