To change or not to change?

It’s amazing how the people closest to you have the most potential to hurt you. In my case I’m speaking about my mother. Being the youngest of 3 girls I was pretty spoilt and I am a real ‘ Daddy’s girl’. My mother and I have also gotten on each other’s nerves. She’s an awesome mom, I love her to bits and she’s my hero but sometimes I can’t stand her. Also, I’ve always felt that she loves my sisters more than me. It’s childish I know, but I can’t help it.

The other day I went to visit my parents and my mother went on this whole ‘advice’ trip about how I should be less ‘feisty’ at work and how I shouldn’t create conflict with my bosses because my boss can say and do what he wants. I should learn to sit back and just do what they say. I looked at her, sprouting out all of this and could almost feel myself shrinking. She said all this and what I actually heard was that I need to change myself and personality and that if I were a ‘nicer’ person I wouldn’t be in the situation I’m in right now.

At first I was indignant, how dare she tell me that. And then, after thinking about it I’ve begun to wonder if she’s right. Obviously if I were different I would still have a job, it was my standing up to him that forced me into this situation. So… I need to change right? But I don’t know how to be anything but myself. She’s trying to help me be a better person and maybe I should take her advice.

I’ve always been well liked (in my opinion) in the work place. I make good friends and usually keep in touch with people I’ve worked with. That must mean something right? My job calls for someone confident, dominating and strong minded because I’m working with senior people. I need to know what I’m about, I need to be able to make decisions, I need to be able to communicate on levels. How can you be that type of person but still be submissive? Is my mother right? If so, then maybe I need to change my job. Maybe I need to become a quieter, introverted type of person. You know the type, the quiet men and women that you work with but don’t know much about. You see them in the tea room but they never go for company socials and you never know much about their personal lives. No one even blinks if they leave.

My mouth has always gotten me into trouble but as often as that has happened I’ve often had good things happen to me. I’ve met wonderful people, had amazing experiences and have a firm circle of friend and family that love me. I’ve always had confidence problems and I find that this one conversation has reduced me to be that awkward child again, the one I thought I left behind years to ago. If I’m realistic I think that maybe I do have to change.

Any opinions?

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3 thoughts on “To change or not to change?

  1. Changing to what someone else wants you to be means that you are no longer you. What’s the point of having your own life if you’re going to act like someone wants you to act?

  2. If you change yourself, change to grow, never to shrink! Shrinking your personality is the worse choice. If a place you are in or a relationship (professional or private) forces you to shrink, it is time to leave if there is no other solution. Otherwise, you harm yourself.
    It might be possible to learn to know “when to keep quiet”, not by accepting shit but by not swallowing every shit thrown at you, to stand above it, so it does not touch you, but the way you described your ex-boss, I don’t think staying would have been an option in this case

  3. have to say Ric, welcome to my world…
    Changing yourself into something you’re not will only be harmful to you in the end.
    Just learn when to keep quiet – which is mostly. That should do the trick…

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