From bad to worse

You know that feeling you get when things are spinning out of control and you don’t how to stop it? For me I get this heat in my cheeks and my chest gets tight and I get this buzzing in my ears. Everything around me loses focus and my hearing is dulled. It’s similar to an anxiety attack except that I’m able to function externally, all of this is happening internally.

Well that’s how I felt on Friday. Since last week Monday things at work have snow balled to such an extent that I’m in big trouble. My boss asked me to prove that I didn’t cause the R100k loss last week in an email and he cc’d HR and the MD. I responded with all the facts and with emails to back up my statements. I also detailed exactly what he did to me on Monday. I received no response. On Tuesday he had a meeting scheduled with HR in diary. The whole week he was like Frosty the Snowman and I felt like I was working in the North Pole.

On Friday the HR Manager calls me into his office so say that that my boss has laid a grievance of insubordination against me and that according to company policy this constitutes as a break of trust. Also, he says I embarrassed my boss my accusing him of intimidation and threats of violence in my email, my response should have been handled in private. A break of trust means that there is no way the two of us can work together which means one of two things: They either move me out of the department or I leave the company. There’s nowhere else to go in this company so I’m basically screwed.

My boss and I had huge confrontation on Friday as well which just exacerbated the situation. I said some things that I shouldn’t have and I think I’ve dug my own grave. I brought up the fact that he told me he’d ‘klap’ (smack) me twice, that he screamed at me on numerous occasions and a few other things. He says that he was just joking and my response was that even though he was joking I did tell him that it made me uncomfortable and yet he continued.  It basically just went downhill from there. HR says that it looks like I’m just being vindictive after what happened on Monday and that at this point it’s a ‘He says – She says’ situation. In other words no one will believe me.

And I’m not totally innocent in this situation. My boss and I have butted heads over numerous things in the past but we’ve always dealt with it and moved on, at least that’s what I thought. In hindsight maybe I shouldn’t have been so out spoken and dominating. I did recognise that he was the type of person that should always get the last work but yet I still pushed him. Instead of fighting him on certain things I should have just submitted, it’s his decision at the end of the day so why should I care if we go out of policy or budget?

Anyway, I’ve met with HR and he says the break of trust thing is irreversible. If I want to go ahead with the grievance charge I can but I’ll have to leave work until further notice. Or I let the grievance go and receive severance pay instead. But he wants me to leave the office immediately, which I promptly refused. I will not leave the office like I’m guilty of something. I refuse to be treated like that. I am a professional and I won’t have my reputation ruined. We agreed on me leaving at the end of February with full references and my severance package.

So I’m on the job market again. I’m terrified and I want to cry. What will I tell my husband? How did it come to this? What should have I done differently?




18 thoughts on “From bad to worse

  1. What exactly is your profession. One of my sisters in law is living in Gauteng, I think that is where you are as well. I could ask here if she knows of any vacancies. I don’t have too much hope that would be of help, but who knows.

    1. Oh! Thank you Nannus! Even if it doesn’t come through, the fact that you’ve offered a helping hand is more than enough!
      At the moment I’m an Executive Assistant, a fancy term for Senior Personal Assistant. lol I’ve majored in Public Relations though so I’ve got a wide skill set. I can also do HR and Tenders

  2. He shouldn’t be your hubby if he’s not supportive! I see from the comments below that he’s ok with it though which is good.

    Your boss, or should I rather say soon to be ex-boss, is a real jackass! Can’t believe that he would stoop so low. But if they treat you so shitty there it’s definitely time to move on and find something new.

  3. The “problem” seems to be that you are a modern, independent woman and that your “boss” is still in the 19th century. How small must he be inside if he needs to do such things to replace for his missing self-esteem. Look ahead. You are going to find something better and then you will be happy that you did not stay there.

  4. Big Hugs babe. You know what, your husband will support you, just have a little faith. As for your boss, he is a first grade prick. I wonder if this is even allowed. It’s supposed to be three warnings and then you are out. In any case sounds like you have a pretty awesome CCMA case. So bear that in mind, for now, just chill and control the anger and frustration. All will be as it should. See this as the kick in the ass to find the job of your dreams. *HUGS* honey

    1. Thanks for the positive words! Hubby is fine with it, he says he’d never expect to carry on here under these circumstances. And I’ve never had any sort of written warning or even close to it but they just want to take a short cut. I’d rather take this route though.

  5. Your husband won’t be disappointed in you, he knows you and understnds you and that is a big reason why he married you. He will understand what has happened and how things progressed.

    It is a sad fact that most who is made “a boss” believes that they can treat any underlings as slaves. Thier manner becomes one of superiority and they can often be rude and insulting as they feel they are infallible and that their position is untouchable.

    Of course you will blame yourself, as regardless of the fact we are right, we will always feel that we are somehow wrong purely becuase “the boss” has a position of authority so must be somehow right.

    Your boss sounds like a little creep, he would probably never have spoken like that to a man as he may have got a whack on the nose. The fact that he says “break of trust thing is irreversible” – screams to me that you know your job more than he does his and he is intimidated by that and the fact that you wont kneel down and kiss his toes.

    As you say, you are a professional, the man is a little weed. Start a new self-employed venture (you sound like you would be good at it) or just don’t forget who you are when interviewed for another job.

    Human resources never has anything to do with taking care of the human resource and it is their sole purpose to protect the employer against all company personnel.

    Theres’ an old saying – “the higher the monkey climbs, the more you see of its arse” – this is almost always true in business.

    Good luck and give them hell!

    1. lol Thank you sooo much for this, I really needed it! From reading what you wrote I realised that I will be ok, my husband and my family supports me and even outsiders see the true story. I’ll just take the good things out of this experience and leave the bad. I’ll get back on my feet because I am good at what I do. thank you for making me see sense!

  6. Shit Ric!!!
    This just utterly sucks! And I know EXACTLY how you feel. That cold feeling, then your face gets hot and stiff – almost as if you’re keeping the scream inside otherwise you’ll get up and claw their eyes right out of their sockets.
    I doubt that there was something you could have done better or different. And I’m sure your husband will understand completely.
    I once had a boss that kakked because I sent a scanned document through upside down – if they want to find something, they will, regardless.
    You’ll be fine chicklet, eventually, but you’ll be fine I have no doubt.
    Huge big Ghia goodvibes!!!

    1. Thanks Ghia. I’m just scared of my husband being disappointed in me. And I don’t want to be all self righteous thinking that I’m right and everyone owes me.

      I’m sure I’ll be more positive once I’ve calmed down a bit. Thanks for the hugs and good vibes, I definitely need it!

      1. Your husband is a paragon Ric – he’ll understand, and support you, and if he does not, let me have his contact details – will sort him out sharpish 😉

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