I am what I am

For the past year I’ve been on an emotional journey of understanding. Wow! That sounds so dramatic! Lol Actually last year, around this time I reached a stage of being fed up of the feeling of having no control over my live. Worked sucked, I had no confidence and I felt terrible. A good friend recommended going for EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) classes and that saved my life. The lady who taught me these valuable skills has also now become my life coach, someone who has changed my life in so many ways.

I’m now much happier, I’m more positive and I’m able to handle stress and anxiety much better. I’m not as sick as I used to be, I’m more pleasant to be around and all in all I’m a way healthier person. If I looked at myself last year this time compared to this year the description that resonates the most is STRONGER. I’m able to deal in a completely different manor.

On Friday my best friend and I were chatting and she says that I don’t let my guard anymore. I’m too well contained and alert. She’s under the impression that I don’t have fun when I’m with my friends anymore and that I feel too responsible for everyone. She kept harping on it and her remarks got me thinking. Was this true? Do the people around me think that I’m not enjoying myself in their company? Have I become too ‘stiff upper lip”?

I thought long and hard about it and I think she’s wrong. Well, partially anyway. She has changed quite a lot this year, she’s become less stiff and more willing to ‘let go’ than she used to be. She’s also very emotional and needy. Exactly how I used to be! It’s almost a reversal of roles. Now, she depends on me, I’m the one with the big shoulders and I’m the one picking her up.  And I’m comfortable with that. I feel safe in my world, I like being sure of myself and I am content. So what if I’m not as care free as I was before? I was naïve and didn’t understand myself and now I do.

I feel confident, sure and sexy. I don’t doubt my decisions and I’m in a much better place. It’s amazing how people are so unaccepting of change. She’s my best friend but for the life of me I can’t connect with her in this space and time. We’re obviously at polar opposite places in our lives but we both know what the other is going through, shouldn’t we be even closer because of it? I’m really worried that this disconnect that we’re experiencing is going to become permanent.

And if this is the consequences of becoming a better person, is it really worth it? Of course, these few paragraphs are just a smidgen of what I’m feeling and going through because I can’t fully word my emotions but it all boils down to change and adapting, right? I dunno, I just feel uneasy and I’m not sure why…


10 thoughts on “I am what I am

  1. Growth is good and if your friends cant grow with you or accept you as you grow then they will be left behind along the way, (sad but true) – and you cant let anyone hold you down. Reach for the stars my friend 🙂

  2. One should change – never become stagnant.
    That means that you’ll lose people and pick some up on your journey – not everybody stays with you all the time.
    As long as you continue to grow, it’s all good!

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