I know, it’s a weird thought. I’m new to the blogging world, very new but since I’ve been here I’ve noticed a trend. Lots of times when reading a blog someone explains about how they haven’t blogged in a while cos things are going so well with the new job/bf/gf/house that they don’t have time to blog. And then you get others who’ve explained in their blogs about what a bad time they’re having and they need to let it all out in some form. Isn’t this alot like praying?
When you need your life you change to pray about it, you make promises to (your) God about all the things you’ll do if you get what you want. Then when you do get it or you are happy you forget to pray. I know I’ve been guilty of this in the past, it’s human nature. But now I atleast try to say thank you 🙂
Which brings me to why I started blogging. I’ve always fancied myself as a bit of a writer. I’ve persued it in a business sense what that didn’t work so now I just write for fun. I have no idea whether I’m good or not, I think I can write well, it just depends on my subject. Anyway, so I was gona wow the world with all the stories I’ve got in my head in the form of a blog. Turns out its really hard to put yourself out there like that. And instead of writing on my writing I now blog about nothing. What’s up with that?
I also wanted to get some stuff of my chest, things that have happened in my life or that I’m going through. Bad things, good things, you know, life’s things? But I’ve learnt that I’ve got to much of pride to tell people about my fcuk ups. That cant’ be right, right? I usually don’t care what people think, and that’s people that I know! So what’s up with this bull shit? Why can’t I tell people that I have an alcoholic father? Why can’t I talk about how aggressive he is and how everyday could be 1 of a thousand fights? And that I love him to bits, more than my sisters or my mother even but I actually hate him? Or that my husband has to live this destructive life with me? Or that my dad does so much to make up for his shortcomings but it will never be enough? Or that I cry more than any adult shoud?
Shew… This is hard. I think it boils down to the fact that I have a pretty good life, better than I deserve and better than most other people have. I’m spoilt, things have always come easily to me, so easily that I don’t know what hard ships really mean. And maybe because I’ve got such a good life I have no right to complain about this? Everyone has crap in their lives, why do I think I’m above it?
I want to be the ‘happy blogger’ the one with the jokes and cool stories and the one that no one actually knows about cos then no one can judge me… Does this make sense?