Everyone has family that they hate to love or love to hate. In my case I have many! My dad’s family are really old fashioned and I used to be judged for wearing short skirts, getting a tattoo, cutting my hair, etc. When my parents sent out my wedding invitations there was a huge gasp because he was out of my race And religion! Bah! Now everyone loves us because we’re the first they call to help and actually get it.
My mom’s family is the opposite in terms of them accepting you for who you are, we have a sprinkling of every race and religions and all my cousins on that side of the family look different. The crap with them is that they are all incredibly interfering and gossipy. They irritate the crap out of me.
Recently we’ve been having some issues with them and I’ve hesitated to blog about it because I didn’t want to seem traitorous, if that’s the right word to use. After all, family is family and you can’t change them so love and live with it, right?
Except now it’s reached a point where I can’t take it anymore. Long story short, 2 of my mother’s siblings had decided they will judge the rest of the family and deem what is correct and if you don’t conform you’re basically cut off. This has caused the family to be split in two. At first it was just among them but now the next generation is getting affected. I see little tiffs sprouting out amongst all the cousins and you can literally hear parental influence.
The judgement is centred around my mother and stems from my granny. I hate to say it but my granny is a grumpy old wench. She’s not your typical granny but she’s ours and we’ve always loved her. I just haven’t liked her very much. She’s had an incredibly tough life and I suspect she schizophrenic but she refused to take meds. She had to be really tough and cold and unfortunately she used the same methods with her family. She also had her ‘favourites’ and made it blatantly clear who they were to everyone else. I must’ve enjoyed this favoured spot for all of a year of my life, it was good while it lasted! lol
I’ll be totally honest and confess that I’ve never had a good relationship with her but since my grandfather died she’s become miserable and bitter and I can’t have her in my life anymore. She makes me miserable and she influences her children in the wrong way.
My mother will always be my mother and my sisters and I won’t stand by and see her get hurt, for whatever reason. Irrespective of whether she’s wrong or right we’ll defend her because that’s what family does, right? And no one is perfect but you don’t see us judging them for their past. A bit of advice here and there but mostly support and acceptance, that’s what family should be about.
I’ve basically written off my gran and I no longer voluntarily talk to some aunts/uncles and cousins. I talk to them when I have to, that’s it. I just think that with everything going on in my life I don’t need more negativity. I have family and friends that are positive influences in my life and love and care for me, I don’t need the opposite.
I just hope I’m not making a mistake. What happens if I get older and regret it? She’s an old woman and definitely going senile but what she says and does I’ve been dealing with my whole life and it’s just gotten worse with her old age. In saying that, will I live to regret my actions when she eventually dies? Right now I can say that I don’t think my conscience would suffer from not seeing her before that day but what if I change my feelings when she’s no longer around?
Any advice? I’m definitely not going to go rushing to her to beg forgiveness and have a teary eyed reunion, she’s just tell me a while bunch of crap anyway but maybe I’m being too harsh?