Taking advantage

You think you know someone… How many times have you said that to yourself? Well I just did and I’m really pee’d of. I have this one friend, I’ve known him for many years however we’ve never actually met. We came into contact eons ago via some social networking platform. We started of flirting and then settled down into a comfortable friendship. I enjoyed speaking to him and he was always good for my ego. Over the years we’ve settled into a “happy birthday” or “happy new year” kind of relationship. You know the type, where you are still friends but only take the time out to chat on special occasions? And he usually comes to me when something’s bothering him.

He started a business a little while back and I’ve done my assist where possible. I pass on his ads and specials and I share anything I can about it. He sells all sorts of marketing stuff, t-shirts, mugs, etc. He recently told me that he has now starting selling imported clothes. He sent me pics and I was interested in a jacket. I asked how much it was priced at and about colours, he responded. It was a lot more than I could afford so I thanked him politely and didn’t pursue it.

Imagine my surprise when he msgs me yesterday to say that my order is on its way. What order I ask? My memory is terrible but surely it isn’t that bad? Apparently my jacket is on the way. But I didn’t order it? He insists that I did. If I did, what size did I order it in and what colour did I choose? He responds by saying why am I “being like this”. What?! So now I’m being unreasonable am I?

I demand an explanation and his response is something along the lines of his business isn’t doing well and he’s trying to take as many orders as possible to make some money. I was speechless. So in order to make money he takes advantage of his friends and tries to force them to make purchases they can’t afford? Then he goes on to say that if the jacket doesn’t fit me I can always give it to a friend as a gift and order one that’s my side. Bloody hell!

I’m so angry I’ve just ignored him. He’s tried messaging me on Whatsapp, BBM and FB and I don’t even want to read them. How can he possibly want to take advantage of like that? I wonder if he’s done this to anyone else? Am I justified in being upset?

This is just another example of why I have limited trust in people, they always seem to screw you over!

Common courtesy

I grew up in the type of family that revered the ‘guest’. In our culture that says treat any guest in your home like God because that guest could be God. Any person that came to visit would be told to sit and get comfortable and all the kids, no matter how old, were called from their rooms and we’d all join in and give our guest our undivided attention. My mum would go to the kitchen and start making tea and warming food and looking for biscuits or something to offer our guest. It was unheard of for a visitor to not have something to eat and drink, whether they wanted to or not! lol

And likewise, when we went “visiting” we’d get the same treatment. You were welcomed graciously by your host and practically force fed the entire time you were there. My mother always lived by the philosophy of cooking extra because you never knew who would pop in. This type of treatment is what I’m used to and I’ve never questioned it, that’s just how things were.

But recently I’ve noticed a shift in this way of thinking. People now say things like ‘it’s my home, my guest will do what I want or leave’ of ‘if they don’t like it they’re not welcome. Now in certain instances I agree somewhat. If I have pets for example, if my guest doesn’t like dogs they have not right to complain about the dogs in my home, they should just suck it up. Or if I go and visit someone unexpectedly I shouldn’t take it for granted that they’ll welcome me in, they could be busy or sick and not want company.

However, these are the exceptions. If you invite me to your home and then proceed to watch something on TV instead of engage with me, that’s just rude. Don’t use the ‘it’s my home, my rules’ attitude because that’s not on. I’ve noticed this more and more. People couldn’t care less whether their guests are comfortable or happy. Surely common courtesy dictates that you at least pretend to be interested in the person sitting in your home? Or am I being too old fashioned.

Another thing that irks me, if you invite me to your house and then you aren’t home, what does that say about your respect for me? There’s nothing that irritates me more than that. Living in JHB means you need to prepare for any eventuality and having my son means preparing hours in advance for any trip out the door. Why should I go through all that just to wait for you?

And I’ve also seen people try to dissuade their visitors from staying for very long. I’ve heard things like “let’s not offer him something to drink, then maybe he’ll leave quickly” or “why should I even give him anything, he’s not important”. To say I was shocked was an understatement. If you don’t want someone in your home, don’t invite them in or pretend that you aren’t home or that you’re on your way out. Don’t be rude. Am I right?

It’s small thing like this that have caused society’s decline. This is selfish behaviour in my opinion and people need to change their way of thinking. By no means am I perfect, there’s just some things that I believe should be done differently and this is one of them.

 

 

The dating game

At the age of 30 I can sum up my love life to two serious relationships. I’ve had lots of boyfriends and been on loads of dates but I’ve only had two committed relationships. One of which I’m still in at the moment! I’ve been married for 5 years and I’ve been with my Hubby for 11 years so needless to say I’ve been out of the dating game for quite a while so I have no idea how things work these days. So when my best friend came over to tell me her woes of the land of dating I had no idea what advice to give her!

She’s been seeing a guy a few a weeks and despite being my age she’s never been in a serious relationship so this is all new to her. She asked how I felt when I was in this stage of my relationship and I honestly remember loving it. The excitement and anticipation or getting to know someone knew. Waiting eagerly for each text or email or phone call and wondering if he’s thinking about you. I remember agonizing for days before going on a date and planning what I was going to wear to the last detail. It was so exhilarating! And then the agony of the first kiss and the awkwardness after lol. Looking back it was actually quite funny but I had lots of fun.

Hubby was the classic romantic type of guy. He’d have flowers for me every time he saw me and always paid for out dates. We could speak for hours on the phone and we ran up pretty high phone bills. He would send me a poem every so often and I remember getting this little thrill every time his name popped up on by phone. I would relate every single part of out conversations with my besties and we’d dissect every word of whatever he said. It was like a drug, I was on a constant high.

Does this still happen or has the age of connectivity sucked all the mystery out? Back in my day (ha ha ha) you had mobiles so you could text or email but that was about it, there was no FB or Whatsapp or BBM. My boyfriends would call me on the landline because it was cheaper and my sisters and I would rush to the phone every time it rang hoping it was for us. If the phone was in the living area you were screwed for privacy because usually the whole family would listen and you definitely didn’t want your dad listening to you flirt with your boyfriend!

My friend kept complaining about how awkward it is to get anywhere cos apparently we’re at the age where its no longer acceptable to ‘ask someone out’ as in ‘Will you be my girlfriend?’ so people just end dancing around that subject because there’s no easy way to bring it up. And saying anything via text is also considered childish although I find that method much easier to communicate! I can’t imagine how difficult this whole dating thing must be.

I’m just glad that I’m all over it. I may no longer that thrill of the first few months with someone but at least I know I can lie on the couch in my fuzzy pj’s with my mismatched underwear watching Harry Potter in peace with fear of being judged or wondering if he really ‘likes’ me!

Any advice from the singles out there?

It’s been a long time

To say that it’s been a while since I blogged is an understatement. I used to love blogging and then it seemed like I had nothing interesting to blog about. It’s like being a mum suddenly made me boring! All I wanted to do was gush about my baby and motherhood. It got annoying actually so I just gave up on thinking of anything to write about. Big mistake!

Since I stopped blogging I’ve had no outlet for all the things that I’m feeling and experiencing. I feel like one big pent up ball of frustration! The past few months have changed me in so many ways and it’s almost like my mind can’t keep up with all the changes. My life is moving on but my being is lagging behind wondering what the hell happened! I want to rant and rave and complain without any feelings of guilt. I want to be able to openly express myself and I realized that this platform is the only way to do it.

Am I the only one that feels this way? And top of that I’ve lost touch with the few friends that I’ve made here. I can’t believe I was silly enough to let those relationships go. Its hard enough making new friends and here I had so many I just didn’t put any effort in. Granted, when I look back the beginning of last year all I can conjure up are images of a squealing baby, hospital visits, late night nappy changes and a depleted bank account. It feels like I’ve emerged from sort of dream world. You know those dreams where you need to run but it feels like you’re caught in a big bowl of jelly and that you have to fight for every step? Well for it feels like I’ve finally made it out of the jelly and everyone is ahead of me and I have to play catch up.

I don’t even know where all of this coming from. I’m just spewing random things out, I’ve got no thought process as this very moment. Interesting… I wonder where all this is coming from? It could be that I’m pretty restless and dissatisfied with lot in life at the moment. And money is definitely the root of all evil. I need a new job that pays better but I don’t want to move because my current job is pretty comfy, good hours, little pressure and a good team. But I’m making less this year than I did last year because of my pathetic increase which makes me stress and worry which keeps me up and night and makes me cranky and irritable and restless and it’s one negative circle that I’m spinning in.

Usually I’m all about positivity and looking on the bright side and being grateful for what I have blah blah blah. But that’s becoming harder and harder to do when you have to spread everything so thin. This post might be very pointless but it’s making me feel better lol There’s nothing like complaining into cyber space to make you feel better!

15 minutes of fame

Lights, camera, action!! So Stitch and I are famous! Well, no, not famous but we’re something that hopefully plenty of people will see! A few weeks ago I was on Sister Lilian’s FB page (for those of you who don’t know she’s a popular midwife with her own magazine, TV show, baby products, blogs, etc.) and I saw them running a kind of competition. They were shooting a DVD and need women at various stages of pregnancy and with new borns. They requested that you send a picture of yourself if you wanted to be in on it. I figured, what the heck, Stitch is so cute I might as well try. So I sent them a picture of myself and Stitch hoping that they’d fall in love with his gorgeous smile. Two days later I received a call wanting to know if I was still interested, yep yep yep!

A week later Mum, Stitch and I found ourselves at a conference centre in Randburg dressed in our best and looking to shine. Basically they were shooting a 10 min DVD sponsored by a skincare range educating women on how look after their skin during and after pregnancy as well as that of their babies. The plus side was that we got to meet Sister Lilian and ask her any questions we may have. I love this woman, her books and advice have helped me on many occasions. 

Along with myself and Kiran there was another mum and baby and 3 ladies in various stages of pregnancy. The day was lots of fun, I got my make up done, we were in a beautiful setting and it was something I’d never done before. And I realized that show business is tough! For a 10 min DVD we were busy for the entire day. They had to shoot from all angles and to my embarrassment the focus was on the mum’s more than the babies! I was incredibly shy, something I’m definitely not associated with! But when there are a team of people pointing mike’s, cameras and lights directly on you it’s a bit fluttering. I didn’t cock up too badly though I’m pleased to say. 

Originally we were only part of one shoot but we ended up being in 5! Stitch was on his best behavior and he engaged well with the others. He smiled at all the right times and he gurgled and chatted and generally made himself very lovable. There was one part where I lay him on the bed and just chatted in between shoots and the producer enjoyed our interaction so much that they started filming us. It was weird because usually those moments are quite private, I spend a lot of time kissing and playing and chatting with Stitch when we’re alone so to have an audience was disconcerting but it came naturally to both of us. 

At the end of the day the producer suggested that Stitch and I join an agency and get into the industry. Apparently we both have ‘stage presence’ and she thinks we’d be successful. I must say, it’s an intriguing idea, but I’m not sure if it’s what I want for Stitch. Plus, I have a full tome job, how on earth would I go for auditions? Hubby says I should think about it buts since I don’t know anyone in the industry I can’t make a decision. 

If there’s any actors out there, won’t you give me your opinion please? 

I’m bringing sexy back!

Rifling through one of my drawers the other morning I stumbled on some items of clothing I hadn’t seen in a number of months. Considering how expensive the collection is you’d think I’d make better use of it. Ribbons, satin and lace in pink, purple, black and red all wrinkled and stuffed way back in a dark corner. There lay all my lingerie. 

Pulling out a few of my favorites I thought longingly of the days when I used to wear matching underwear. When, not only did I Want to wear these but I also had the time to wear them. Gone are those days! Recently I rotate between my black or white cotton maternity bra’s and boy leg undies. If you think I’m kidding the other day I went shopping for underwear and came home with 6 pairs of black cottons. Hubby was appalled! I’m sure he was hoping for something a little more lacey. I showed him the little satin ribbon on the tops of them but he wasn’t very impressed ;) 

So being the good wife that I am I decided a little spice was in order and I took out a little red number that Hubby adored and tucked away for use later in the evening. I felt a little thrill thinking about how surprised he’d be. 

The day wore on, filled with nappies and play ttime, naps and burps. Stitch was feeling 

Particularly playful so I didn’t get much done. By the time supper rolled around all I could manage was toasted sandwiches. Then it was bath time and Stitch was in bed after which I was able to bath and do some odds and ends around the house. I collapsed into bed and slipped right into lala land. 

1 nappie feed, 2 feeds, and a little bit of vomit later I found myself back in my cupboard looking for a nightie that didn’t smell of sour milk. In my sleepy state I randomly pull something out and what do I find? My little red number! I look at it and then I look at the time and then at my stinky nighty. Ag, who cares, it’s clean at least! 

I slip it on, get into bed and promptly fall right back to sleep. Sexy will have to wait for another day, tonight I’m a mom! 

To eat or not to eat, that is the question!

It was the most perfect thing I’d ever seen. Layers of the lightest and fluffiest cream nestled between and thicky and rick chocolate ganache all sandwiched between airy pieces of pastry. Mmmm… heaven on my tongue. what could be better than sinking your teeth into that? I can even see the powdered sugar dusty my fingers and lips. Yum! But wait, no! I can’t touch it, I have to put it down. It calls my name and I have to bitterly turn away and get out sight. Good bye Perfect Pastry, may we meet another day day, a day that is not Diet day! 

Ha! Story of my life. Ever that constant battle that rages in my head. To eat or not to eat? What’s a little pastry going to do you may ask? Couple that with the bacon and eggs I promised myself I’d forgoe plus the cappuccino and cream I had in that meeting And the Alfredo at lunch time all makes for a gazillion calories I can do without. Every day it’s the same thing. Sometimes I win but most often I lose. Why, tell me why, is it so hard to resist a good morsel? Why is it so hard to lose weight! And why do I love everything that’s bad for me? 

For as long as I can remember I’ve been fighting this battle. Sometimes I don’t even notice it because it’s part of my life. I wished for a day when I could eat anything I want, stress and guilt free without worrying about the consequences. It seemed like a pipe dream. Until now that is…

Ladies, I’m sure plenty of you know this but it’s such a well kept secret it blew my mind. Do you wana know how I’ve lost 13kgs in 6 weeks? I bet you’re dying to know. It’s a little thing called… wait for it… wait for it… Breastfeeding! Bam! I kid you not! 

For the first time in my life I have been able to eat anything I want and not worry about piling on the weight. It’s a beautiful feeling. I’m not sure how long it’ll last but I’m going to cherish every moment. I eat almost as much as my husband these days! Granted, most of the day passes without me finding time to eat but when I do get a change I sure do enjoy it baby! Give Me That Pastry! Cappuccino with cream? Yes please! Is that pasta, the good ol fashioned kind? I’ll have a helping of that. Oooh, is that fresh bread I smell? I’ll eats me some of that! 

And I have my little bundle of joy to thank for this. Not only do I drink about 5 litres of water a day but my skin looks perfect, my hair looks like I’ve walked out of a Tresamme advert and that skinny jeans that I bought 2 years ago finally fits! Can things get any better? 

And the best part? Breastfeeding is the best thing ever for my baby! Win-win! 

There’s a little black dress in my cupboard that’s been waiting years to be used. Look out world, I’m lactating and loving it!