Change is good, right?

I’ve always liked change, it keeps things exciting, interesting, vibrant. Not all change is good of course but I like things to keep moving. With age comes change and maturity, right?

Now back in my younger days (he he he) I was different from your average young Indian girl. My parents were pretty young at heart and allowed me to be me. I could have any hairstyle I wanted, I went from perms to spikes and from blue to red. I got to wear short skirts and get tattoos and have my nose pierced and go for sleep overs, etc. Compared to my cousins in Natal I was a wild child! But compared to the average female in Josie I was pretty tame. I think I had a good balance.

And most importantly I was definitely not boring! I had fun and always had a good story to tell and I had a good life. But now, all of a sudden, I’m called ‘mature’. WTF’s up with that? I invited my cousin and his wife over for lunch the other day and the subject came up. After we had eaten lunch Hubby was making Dom Pedro’s and I was cutting cheese cake when my cousin and I start talking about the “good ‘ol days”. We used to our do our fair share of partying and were known to get into trouble when we were together.

My cousin then proceeds to tell me how ‘mature’ and ‘tame’ I’ve become! ha! What! I gave him one of my trademark, over the top of my glasses stare, the one that’s shocked and shows that I think your IQ is very low. He then proceeds to explain exactly how unexciting my life is: Instead of buying pizza I was making curry, roti and salad for lunch. Instead of passing the ice cream container around with different spoons, I was making my own cheesecakes. Instead of popping beers we were making Dom Pedro’s.

So I learnt to cook, so what? He carries on: My hair was long, with no green, blue or purple in it or any hair products. My ear rings were simple and classy, my noise ring was a tiny diamond instead of a big blue heart. I had no chokers on my neck, I only had my wedding ring on, not heavy bangles or studded belts. My nails were the classic French paint, no metallic blues or shiny black. i.e Booooorrrring!!!

I literally took a step back to think about it. He made it seem like I was a wild child and while I did wear/use all of those things it wasn’t all at the same time. I was cool! so what happened? I ‘matured’, that’s what! And you know what? I like it! I still have fun, my life is still awesome and I still have balance.

My look has changed obviously and I’ve become more ‘mature’. So I’ve decided to lighten up a bit. Think I’m gona buy some dresses, tights, boots, etc. Maybe add some sparkle to my nails and pull out some of old jewellery. I’m sure I can bling up and not look like Madonna in the 80′s.

But I do like my domesticity and I do like my hair and I do like that I’d prefer to wake up 8 on a Saturday morning instead of going to bed from an all nighter on Friday. I like having other couples over for ‘tame’ lunches and baking cakes and having nice duvet covers. I like myself and I like my life.

I also like my cousin for bringing this to my attention!

 

 

 

Someone shake me!

Restless, frustrated, out of sorts, different, irritable… Every felt any of that? Well that’s how I feel right now. I feel like I could just burst out of my skin. I wana scream or have someone shake me, anything to stop this feeling. I feel like getting into my car and just driving and driving and driving. Wouldn’t that be awesome? Listen to some good music, watch the scenery go by. Sigh. I wish I could…

The reasons for how I’m feeling are pretty obvious. firstly, it’s from sitting at home all day with no stimulation. But more importantly it’s cos I’m waiting for some news. Yesterday I went for an interview, a Final interview. Let me just get across that this was the 4th interview and from the first time I was approached till now it’s been six weeks. I Really want this job, it’s perfect for me and I’ve been focusing all my energy on it.

After all this I finally meet the CEO of the company, just for 10 minutes tho but I left feeling very optimistic. He told me he liked me, and had a ‘good’ feeling about me and that I’m a ‘quality’ person. The problem is that he had one other candidate to interview, he liked me and would definitely hire me but couldn’t commit without having interviewed the other candidate. This is where my frustration comes in. He told me I’d hear from him really soon, which in my excitement I took as actually being really soon, like today. But now I realise his ‘really soon’ could be next week. Arggghhhh!!!! I could just die waiting. I know it sounds awful but I hope the other candidate bombs! I just know this job was meant for me!

Anyway, here I am, dying to do something, anything! Something fun, extreme, spontaneous, exciting, different, just Something! Is that too much to ask for? I’m seriously contemplating the drive but Hubby’s not really into it. He’s going through his own thing at the moment, he got bad news about a job he applied for and he’s been feeling quite sick this week. I suppose I should stop focusing on myself and try and get him out of this slump. He doesn’t deal well with any sort of stress or bad news so I usually have to be strong for the both of us.

Maybe I’ll just go for a walk….

Of old age and deep thoughts

On Wednesday 1 May 2013 I woke up to a mind blowing realisation. The next 12 months would the last 12 months that I would spend as a ’20 something’! I remember being so happy when I turned 20, I was saying goodbye to my teenage years and I was going into adulthood. I was excited and exhilarated and my entire life was stretched out before me. Tertiary, my first car, my first job, my own salary, holidays with my friends, boyfriends, first kisses, late nights, making new friends and so much more. The world was my oyster.

Now, 9 years later I can’t believe my 20’s are over. Where did it all go? I’ve never actually done this before. My birthday isn’t so much about aging but more about celebrating. I didn’t really care that I was a year older to me I had had another year of awesomeness behind me. This time around however  I took my age a little more seriously. For the first time I understood people who always asked the ‘what have I achieved?’ question. I always thought that that question was just opening a can of worms that would never close. In my opinion it’s not use comparing yourself to other people because not everyone is happy by the same things. What’s the point of beating yourself up over stuff you don’t have? Now I see it’s not that easy.

Like any normal woman I’m looking at my life and wondering where’s my flashy car, big house and happy, bouncing babies? Where’s that career I dreamed of? I don’t even have a job! Fcuk that! I have a roof over my head, a wonderful home that people love coming to. I have a wonderful husband who thinks that I’m God’s gift to men (he’s got a high IQ but he’s silly that way J ) and who adores me to death. I have a supportive family who I get along splendidly with and who make me whole. I have a bunch of friends who I care about and who care about me. I’ve had 29 years of fund and laughter, sad times and tears, anger and disappointment and my life hasn’t turned out at all like I had planned but it’s a brilliant life none the less. I have everything I need and my last year of being in my 20’s is going to be wonderful, why shouldn’t it?

Despite all this deep thinking I actually spent my birthday having one jol after another. Party number one was the night before my birthday. I went out for supper with a bunch of friends. One of my friends has a birthday the day before mines so we party together. After supper and cocktails we went back to his place. We danced and talked an laughed till 12:00 when we popped some champagne and my favourite day of the year started. I got home around 4:00 and slept till about 8:00. Party number three started when my family came over for lunch. Mum cooked breyani and my sisters came bearing gifts and wine and we all sat outside and had an awesome afternoon.

In the evening we commenced party number three at this pub down the road where I met up with a bunch  of friends. We had supper and of course more drinks and I spent the entire evening soaking up all the attention. I got a lot of gifts but my favourite was from Hubby. He bought me a bottle of my favourite perfume, Angel. I absolute love the scent but it’s bloody expensive and I could never never buy it for myself guilt free. When Hubby presented it to me I was ecstatic! One guy at the pub told me I smelt like rubies. I’m not sure what rubies smell like but it sounded exotic and he was hot so I went with it. Lol I was so happy with Hubby I went out and redeemed a birthday voucher at Temptations to tell him thank you He’s definitely loving 29 year old me!

So, here I am, 29 years old and rearing to go. Wish me luck guys!

This is what holidays are made of

What do men dressed in sparkly dresses, women in sparkly dresses and foreigners have in common? Long Street baby! The holiday in CPT was epic. It’s just what Hubby and I needed. He got to bond with his brothers and I got to look incredibly sexy in my new dress (insert fake modesty here).

After we attended the wedding and the reception a bunch of us went back to the hotel which we booked on Long St. It was pretty late but you wouldn’t say as much by all the activity on the road. It was like the whole street was alive, the atmosphere was brilliant and everyone was so inviting. We literally spent the entire night walking from one pub/bar/club to another. We made loads of friends and tried out new things.

The group of people I was with were fun and spontaneous and up for anything. It was one of those nights that we’ll talk about for years to come. The evening reminded me of when I was studying and how my friends I would go anywhere and just have fun. We met so many different types of people and had the type of experiences that mould your being. I know it sounds dramatic but it’s true. There was no seriousness and it was nice to talk to perfect strangers without having to wonder if they were gona pick pocket you or squeeze your ass or do something even creepier! If some guy bought me a drink I accepted, thanked him and had a good laugh of better conversation. Although I didn’t mind the creepy chick from the Ukraine who kept trying to kiss me on my neck but who knows, maybe that’s some sort of custom where she’s from! Lol  

There was one thing that baffled me though. A lot of males in CPT dress up as transvestites and some of them look pretty hot. What I don’t understand is this: If you’re a male, dressing up as a female that means you’re gay, right? Why then, would you hit on females? We went into this one club which were filled with lesbians, gays, transvestites and bisexuals so you didn’t really know what gender you were dealing with lol. The guys were thrilled because they were getting a lot of attention but I couldn’t understand why us females were getting hit on? Maybe someone can explain this to me? But all in all the night was a great confidence booster!

The next day we spent relaxing and sight-seeing. We had lunch at Cliffton beach and then cocktails at Camps Bay. The last day there we had breakfast with the bridal couple and then came back home. When we landed in O.R Tambo as we were exiting the plane the pilot asked me if I was interested in seeing how the plane worked and he let me into the cockpit (that sounds so nasty!) and I got to play around with the switches and take pics. It was so cool! Hubby had already left the plane so he didn’t get to see it and he wasn’t too pleased. Lol The pilot was so friendly, he said if I ever run into him while on the same flight he’ll let me see the plane in action and I could help him! I felt like a child again. Lol How cool was he?  I’m sure they do that to everyone but it was a nice experience none the less.

All in all it was a fabulous trip. We spent time with family and got to do some new things, an epic holiday was had by all.

Happy days!

I’m soooo excited! Firstly because tomorrow evening I’m off to Cape Town for 3 days! My brother in law is getting married on Saturday so we had an excuse to visit the Mother city. Hubby left this morning already so he gets two whole days there. I tried to change my flight but Kulula is ridiculous, even though the flight I wanted to change to was cheaper I had to pay R800 more! What the hell is that about? I should have just booked with BA.

So in preparation for the wedding I went shopping yesterday and found the most glorious dress ever! It’s not a style I would have normally worn, it’s very tight fighting and a bit short but I’ve been feeling rather old and dowdy lately so I figured what the heck, let me go for it! I was going to wear a traditional sari but I’m not too good at draping them without the help of my mom so I decided to be safe and wear an easy dress. I’ve got pair of sheer, shiny pantyhose and nice heel to go with it. I can’t wait to put it on. There’s nothing like feeling sexy to lift a girls mood. I’m gona do my nails and hair, put on my brightest smile and thoroughly enjoy myself.

We’re staying on Long Street so after the reception we’re gona go and experience the night life on the street which is famous for being a party central. On Sunday is lunch with the family and then Hubby and I wana go to Table Mountain. Monday I think we’ll try Ratanga Junction and head back home in the evening.

The second reason I’m excited is cos Wednesday, the 1^st of May is my Birthday!! Whoop whoop! On Tuesday it’s one of my best friend’s birthdays so we’re gona celebrate together by going out for supper with our friends and then we’ll probably go back to his place and party it up until it’s my birthday. On Wednesday I’ve got breakfast with a few other friends, spend the afternoon with the in-laws and then supper with the family.

I love my birthday so I’m really looking forward to it. Hubby has already started spoiling me, he usually gets me a few gifts and so far I’ve the Twilight DVD set and the trip to CPT. I think he should stop there but I know he’s got something up his sleeve, I can’t wait for my gift, whatever it is!

Tonight my bestie is staying over, we’re having a girls night with lots of wine and laughs so I’m officially starting of the weekend with a bang. I’ve decided that from today till the 2^nd I am not going to worry or stress about the job situation. I’ll go back to normal after I’ve had my fun and try not to feel guilty about it. I think I deserve it! Happy birthday to me!

 

To give or not to give

So I’ve had yet another argument with my mum. I have a friend that I worked with, she’s really sweet and has had a tough life. I’m a pampered princess compared to her. We became friends while we worked together and when I left she bought a really nice gift and kept in touch. We don’t have much in common but for some reason we’re friends.

Anyway, she’s been going through a really rough time. She earns very little and she’s a single mother of two. After fighting for her kids she finally has them with her but the expense of school and looking after them is taking their toll on her. I chatted to her on BBM last night and she says she has R10 left till pay day! She never asked me for money, she just needed to vent and I have a no money-lending policy with friends but there’s not way I could ignore what she was going through. So I offered her some money, R200. It’s not a lot but it’ll tide her over till pay day.

I’m not lending it to her, I’m giving it to her and it’s cos I’m her friend. My mother hears me telling this to Hubby and lets me have it. About how I don’t have a job and I shouldn’t be so generous and people take advantage of me and I’m irresponsible, blah blah blah. I didn’t even bother to explain myself to her. She seems to think I have the brains of a monkey and the logic of a two year old. Would it kill her trust me, just once? Parents, can’t live with them, can’t live without them.

On the up side interviews have been going well. I might be getting an offer if all goes well, the only problem is that I’m holding out for another job, one that I want with all my heart but the interview process is long and tedious. I’m afraid I might get the offer for the one job before the other one comes through and there’s not way I can down the job. Both have their pro’s and cons but I really want the second one. I suppose I’m worrying for nothing, I don’t even know if I’m getting either one, let alone both but I can’t help thinking about it! Guess I should just be patient.

Today is a good day, Hubby will be home early and he’s off tomorrow. Plus I’m meeting a friend for coffee and I’m going for a friend’s bachelor’s. He’s getting registered next week so there’s a very unplanned bachelor’s happening tomorrow. I’ve been invited to his, the only female who has been but in the interest of male bonding I’ll do my bit to get him horribly drunk then leave to the bachelorettes’. I don’t know her very well but this marriage has alienated her family and she needs all the support she can get. Plus he’s a really good friend of mine and I want to give as much to them as I can.

oh, and I’ve got another interview tomorrow, at my sister’s company! I applied for the postion without knowing who the company was and they called for an interview. It’s  a good company and they pay well but I don’t wana work near my sister! lol Guess I’m backing to counting my chickens before they hatch!

ok, I’m off, I rambled my little heart out enough for one day.

Pets, what would we do without them?

I’m one of those humans that can be described as an ‘animal’ person. I’ve always loved animals, a love fostered early on by my parents. For as long as I can remember we’ve always had dogs. I’ve owned dogs, chicks, turtles, rabbits and even a mouse (which mysteriously disappeared one day while I was at school). I’ve loved them and cried for them and I think I’m a better person for loving them.

I currently live in a flat that has a no-pets policy so, me being me, I’ve snuck in a rabbit. There’s not freaking way I can live without an animal. He is the most adorable rabbit alive. He’s black and grey and very intelligent. Everyone says he’s fat but he’s just got poofy fur! These past few weeks at home have made me appreciate him more then ever.

He has so much of love for me that he makes me forget my own issues. His house is a bird cage in the bathroom. I’ve trained him to use a kitty litter box as his toilet and he’s pretty good with that. We both have established a routine over the weeks. I wake up and let him out and we both use the loo. Then he has breakfast and comes out to the room to play with Hubby while he gets ready for work. Hubby puts him back in the cage and I let him back out when I’m awake. while I bath he does the same, he sits on the mat next to the tub and gives himself a good lick. While I get dressed in the bedroom he noses around and investigates the room as if we somehow changed it while he was asleep. Once he’s done with that he jumps on the bed and I give him a good pet. I go to the kitchen and he then spends the rest of the day napping. When Hubby gets home he comes alive again and before bed he spends some time with us playing or eating chips and making me chase him around my pillows.

I remember the pet store owner telling me that rabbits are dumb. Ha! He knows nothing. My baby is really intelligent. He knows when I’m sick. He jumps on the bed and cuddles up right to me. The other day I was lying on the bed, not feeling too positive and he jumped up and gave me a few of his rabbit kisses. He knows that he shouldn’t scare the kids, he creeps up to them slowly so that they don’t get scared. And he knows not to hurt our Jack Russell (my mum’s). She’s tiny and loves him but she gets a bit too rough and when she does he gives a thump on the carpet and she backs off. My german shepherd wasn’t so lucky, he wouldn’t listen to the thump and ended up with a back foot in his face, he’s much more respectful now though. Once my friends stayed over and feel asleep on my side of the bed, when my rabbit got on the bed my friend pushed him off. The next morning he found his shoe full of rabbit pee. Ha ha ha

Having him with me has made my days so much more bearable. I suppose this may seem like a silly post to some but I love him with all my heart and I just thought I’d put that down on ‘paper’.

 

Of friends and memories

My best friend is getting married in November and I need to throw her a bridal shower and have not ideas! It’s a difficult one because my girlfriends threw me the bestest bridal shower a girl could ask for. It involved Vodka filled slush puppy machines, a blow up doll, TeaseHers and a whole lot of fun. They set the bar up pretty high.

Three years later and we’ve changed a lot since then. Clubbing is still fun, just not as fun as before. Drinking is awesome it’s just harder to recover the next day. Partying up a storm is just not what it used to be. Besides, her in laws will probably do the clubbing thing. I was thinking we book a weekend away where we can do some bonding but how do we make this different to any other weekend away we’ve done? After 13 years of friendship our group has done it all. Any ideas are welcome, please!

While on the topic of friends, I love my friends. There was a stage when we spent every weekend together (back when we were single). We know everything about each other and having that much history is special. I always wonder how people manage without friends. Over the years the girls have added partners to the group and we’ve just gotten bigger and better. It’s been hard to manage our friendship and we’ve lots one or two people along the way, it’s like a marriage, it requires maintenance but we’ve made it work. And now one of my best friends is getting married, out my house no less, it’s a bitter sweet moment.

I guess everything changes and we just need to go with the flow.

Judgements

Have you ever had that moment where someone tells you something and in your head your little inner invoice is saying “SERIOUSLY?!! Wtf?!”  But you’re trying to keep your face from forming a matching expression, instead you’re trying to come up with a response that will not insult the person you’re having a conversation with. Yes, I’m sure you have!                        

So on Saturday I’m at the hair salon, my favourite place in the world to be, sipping on a cappuccino and waiting for my highlights to well… highlight? Anyway, in walks a friend of mine that I haven’t seen in ages. We schooled together but lost touch and now only keep track of each other’s live over Facebook. So we do the usual hugs and kisses and ‘small world’ speech and we get to talking. She tells me that she heard via the grape vine that I lost my job and she does the ‘sympathy’ speech. Then she says something that was weird. According to my posts on FB she says she would never have guessed the problems I was experiencing. I ask her what she means and she says something along the lines of how I’ve been going out for parties and socials and dinners and movies, etc. And to find me in the hair salon of all places? What am I thinking? Plus, and this got me the most, I look so good!

I think my ‘WTF?’ expression came through a bit because she says something along the lines of ‘but its your life…’ After thinking about it for a while I guess I see where she’s coming from. Someone who’s not working should not seemingly have a social life, how am I affording it? Also, if I am out and about I’m just wasting what precious little money I do have. And then, to get my hair done on top of it! How dare I?! The part about being shocked that I’m supposedly looking good threw me though. Am I supposed to be dressed in tracks and a dirty top with no make-up and jewellery on? Should I have bags under my eyes with a huge visible weight loss? And should I be putting up mysterious status updates on FB about how life if going to get better?

And I’ve gotten this reaction a few times. I guess it’s human nature to take cover and hide when times are tough. But I think it’s a bit harsh to expect me to sit in my room, under the covers until I find a new job. In fact, going out with my friends and family is the reason that I don’t have bags under my eyes. I’m dealing with the stress in my own way and I’m not spending money unnecessarily. I just refuse to hide form the world. Is that so wrong?

Other than that little rant things have been more or less the same. I haven’t blogged much mostly cos I’ve had nothing much to say but also because it takes up a lot of energy these days. That sounds bad when I could spend hours blogging and reading posts but now I just can’t muster up the energy to do it.

On the interview front, I’m still getting about an interview a week. I was offered a position but turned it down, it was shift work, the latest one ending at 12:00 at night with working on weekends and public holidays. I supposed I could have adapted but Hubby wasn’t too happy with me driving out of JHB CBD at 1:00 on the morning. I’ve got enough to keep going for the next 6 months or so, I just hope I didn’t make a bad decision.

I hope everyone in blog land is doing well, I’m sorry I haven’t kept up with you guys but I’ll try!

 

To change or not to change?

It’s amazing how the people closest to you have the most potential to hurt you. In my case I’m speaking about my mother. Being the youngest of 3 girls I was pretty spoilt and I am a real ‘ Daddy’s girl’. My mother and I have also gotten on each other’s nerves. She’s an awesome mom, I love her to bits and she’s my hero but sometimes I can’t stand her. Also, I’ve always felt that she loves my sisters more than me. It’s childish I know, but I can’t help it.

The other day I went to visit my parents and my mother went on this whole ‘advice’ trip about how I should be less ‘feisty’ at work and how I shouldn’t create conflict with my bosses because my boss can say and do what he wants. I should learn to sit back and just do what they say. I looked at her, sprouting out all of this and could almost feel myself shrinking. She said all this and what I actually heard was that I need to change myself and personality and that if I were a ‘nicer’ person I wouldn’t be in the situation I’m in right now.

At first I was indignant, how dare she tell me that. And then, after thinking about it I’ve begun to wonder if she’s right. Obviously if I were different I would still have a job, it was my standing up to him that forced me into this situation. So… I need to change right? But I don’t know how to be anything but myself. She’s trying to help me be a better person and maybe I should take her advice.

I’ve always been well liked (in my opinion) in the work place. I make good friends and usually keep in touch with people I’ve worked with. That must mean something right? My job calls for someone confident, dominating and strong minded because I’m working with senior people. I need to know what I’m about, I need to be able to make decisions, I need to be able to communicate on levels. How can you be that type of person but still be submissive? Is my mother right? If so, then maybe I need to change my job. Maybe I need to become a quieter, introverted type of person. You know the type, the quiet men and women that you work with but don’t know much about. You see them in the tea room but they never go for company socials and you never know much about their personal lives. No one even blinks if they leave.

My mouth has always gotten me into trouble but as often as that has happened I’ve often had good things happen to me. I’ve met wonderful people, had amazing experiences and have a firm circle of friend and family that love me. I’ve always had confidence problems and I find that this one conversation has reduced me to be that awkward child again, the one I thought I left behind years to ago. If I’m realistic I think that maybe I do have to change.

Any opinions?